HAPPY OR SAD

I was on the verge of tears as I stared down at the pile of untouched green beans on my dinner plate.  I had already eaten the meatloaf and the canned pears which were my favorite.  But I hated green beans and knowing that I was expected to eat them made my six-year-old self brim with anger, frustration and disgust. 

My father tried to encourage me to take a bite with a phrase that was extremely familiar to me:  “Sundy, you have to eat your green beans.  But you have a choice.  You can eat them the happy way or the sad way.” 

I knew what the sad way implied.  The sad way included tears.  The sad way including sitting at the table for hours, while everyone else in the family ate ice cream.  The sad way meant that if my green beans weren’t consumed by bedtime, I would be served my leftover green beans for breakfast.  I had chosen the sad way a few times in my young life and I really didn’t like the sad way.

The happy way meant that I could finish my green beans quickly and join my family for dessert and board games before bed.  I knew the happy way was better, but I hated green beans.

Stubbornly, I chose the sad way. 

For 30 minutes I sat and stared at the pile of green beans on my otherwise empty plate.  After another 30 minutes I tried to move the vegetables around on the plate in order to look like I had eaten some.  In the meantime, I tried to ignore the happy sounds coming from the front room – Zane and GJ were enjoying vanilla ice cream topped with Hershey syrup.  In that moment, I realized how much I didn’t like the sad way.  An hour and a half after my family had left me alone with my unfished dinner, I swallowed my beans whole while holding my breath and simultaneously gulping down water. 

The happy way wasn’t as difficult as I had made it out to be for over an hour.

***

It was bedtime, and I was dressed in my favorite silky blue nightgown.  GJ, my sister, was in cotton pajamas.  We had already brushed our teeth, visited the bathroom, and used up all of our excuses to stay up later.  It was bedtime, and it was time for GJ and I to go to sleep.

It was still twilight outside and even though it was 8 at night, our non-negotiable bedtime, my sister and I were wide awake.  The light and our childish energy made it near impossible to fall asleep. 

We giggled.  Mom and Dad told us to go to sleep.

We talked.  Mom and Dad told us to go to sleep.

GJ stole my pillow.  I stole it back.  We began fighting over the pillows.  This time, my mom came into the room and angrily asked, “What is going on?” 

“GJ started it.” I offered.

Mom’s eyes turned firm, glinting in that way that only moms can manage,  “Girls!  There is a happy way and a sad way to go to bed.  You can choose.”

GJ looked at me in horror.  I nodded and agreed that it was time for us to choose the happy way.

Mom closed the door and being the obedient and obliging daughters that we were, we quickly went to sleep.

***

Reflecting on  my parents’ favorite phrase, “you can choose the happy way or the sad way,” helped me realize that my parents were teaching me a great truth:  Attitude is everything!  We can choose to be happy.

Abraham Lincoln said, “Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”

Hard things happen.  Sometimes we have to eat our green beans.  Sometimes we have to go to bed at 8 PM.  As a child those were big things that I didn’t believe I had a choice in.  As an adult, I’ve had to remember the happy way when my husband exercised faith by quitting his job in Las Vegas.  I also struggled with finding the happy way as I came to terms with not being able to carry a child to term after the birth of my two daughters. 

Remembering that I always have a choice (the happy way or the sad way) has helped me to remember that the happy way is always better!

At least that’s the way I remember it.